Blueberry&Lemonade

Not much new tonight. Things are pretty status quo. I attempted to dye my hair red, but the dye must not have taken, b/c it's still dark. Listening to the iPod, and wondering about things which might've been....but that's a dead end. Incense is burning, the Smirnoff is flowing....and for some odd reason, I'm feeling very empty and disappointed. My psychiatrist basically told me that my bipolar disorder is no excuse for my strangeness. Dammit, it was a good excuse, while it lasted. If my bipolar isn't the reason I'm the Madwoman in the Attic, what is? Was I born this way, or is it my own fault (like everything else)? I'm sick of being told my situation is my own doing. That's stupid. No one would choose this. And therapy isn't the answer. My therapist says I've been missing appointments without giving notice. It's mostly untrue. I missed one appointment because I woke up sick, and thus couldn't give sufficient notice. He rescheduled, and I missed that appointment because he didn't tell me he'd rescheduled. He left a voicemail, and I've told him a million times, I can't access my voicemail. The other time I supposedly didn't show, well, I have no fucking clue what he's talking about. I hate my therapist, anyway. I have to lie and act happy. If I told him how I really feel, he'd give stupid advice about positive thinking. Really useful (rolls eyes). Both my therapist and my psychiatrist tacitly disapprove of crying, which always subconsciously makes me cry in their presence. Let's face it, I'm a hopeless mess.
Oh, well. There is something rather delicious about drinking while listening to "Rehab" by Amy Winehouse. My quote of the day on my dry erase board is: "Didn't get a lot in class- but I know it don't come in a shot glass...." I may be a drunk and a nut job, but at least I know what I am.....