"So you're scared and you're thinking that maybe we ain't that young anymore..."

Ah, a nice lazy Saturday. Just sitting here at the computer, listening to Billie Holiday. It's very relaxing. Went to see my friend Viki yesterday, and ran a few errands on the way home. Tried out a new bar, but it was one of those places where everyone knew everyone else already, and I felt like an outsider. The music was interesting, though- mostly standards, which I love. I played a Tony Bennett song on the jukebox before I went along my merry way, which included a stop at Noonan's for cloves and something to drink. And incense- Wild Berry is the best incense. Had a few drinks at home and felt melancholy, so a friend of mine stopped by for a bit to cheer me up. I went to bed sometime before 4 am, and was rewarded for my intemperance with a morning headache. It wore off pretty quickly, though. Went to CVS for the things I forgot to get when I was there yesterday, and then came home. My aunt send me a really sweet card and a cute photo of her little granddaughter. So it's been a pretty decent couple of days. I think it's days like these that get you through life. I used to think the days of ecstatic perfection were what I lived for, but I think those days are over, for me. Stability and contentment are much more important. One can never sustain ecstasy, and the lows that follow are unbearable. I am an old woman, in many ways. I used to be a person of extremes- all or nothing was how I lived my life. Now I am striving to be more even-tempered. I love the person I was, and I mourn her passing, but I cannot live in her shadow. Moving on is the hardest thing, for me. Growing older isn't easy, either- to watch the world you once loved disappear, to be replaced by an unfamiliar landscape. "Can't you be optimistic? You're no longer the ingenue..." Pagans say there are 3 stages of woman- maiden, mother, crone. As I've never had children, I skipped from maiden to crone at 30. It's not been an easy transition, to be honest. Our society's views on aging are, if you ask me, destructive and unhealthy. And yes, I dye my hair (it was getting grey last I checked, so I stopped checking). Anyway, I agree life is different when you get old, but that doesn't mean you stop living. And don't give me some crap about how 30 is the new 20. If you're poor and can't afford botox, 30 is 30. I guess I'm more concerned about who I am than what I look like.......