Night

It's safely Tuesday, now- not that it makes a difference. The world is coming down around me, and I am expected to be stoic.....no, I am expected to still be excited about life. Mind you, I never found life to be much to cheer about.....the accusations started early for me. I was just an unhappy brat, trying to spoil it all for everyone else. Now I am a bitter old hag, dour and nasty. I am bitter. My life was destroyed by a two word diagnosis- bipolar disorder. You never get over that. Just because a doctor somewhere, 16 years ago, used it, I am condemned to a life of hardship, ending in my suicide. There are a few "bipolar" people who can function. Fuck them. They make a mockery of what I live with. 

I couldn't do it tonight. I learned that when one commits suicide, they cannot say goodbyes. I am a human being. I have the ability to love. The pain I live with daily has reduced me to this.And when I'm dead, maybe there will be silence from people who got their amusement in life from tormenting me. At least, I won't have to listen anymore.