"Funny when you're dead how people start listening..."

So where do I go from here? My daily tarot card from astrology.com just came in, and I wonder if it doesn't mean something......

"The Tower card suggests that my alter ego today is the Survivor, 
whose superpower for revolution lies in my epiphany for change, brought on with 
the aid of a serious reality check. Today I have reached a turning point. It may 
be all over but the crying -- but I have the strength to move on and create a 
better situation for myself. You may say that I never saw it coming or learned 
the hard way, but with profound change comes new opportunity. One door closes -- 
another opens. So tear down the wall, and rebuild anew." 

I am indeed the consummate survivor. Is that all there is, though? Am I fated to just barely make it through for the rest of my life?

I realise I need to change- my reality check was when two people I once adored turned their backs on me today.

their backs on me. This is probably the worst time I've ever been through, this summer, 

and both let me know, in their own ways, that they no longer want me in their lives.

So here we go, a turning point. But what do I do? How do I move on and create a better situation?

I am barely able to leave the house....my instincts say to lock myself away in my head. Stop

this foolish business of communication with the outside world, and accept the punishment. 

I did learn the hard way- everyone will let you down, no matter who they are. People 

are only out for themselves. Anyone would sell me out. I just don't see what the opportuntity part

could be. Every door has slammed in my face, and I'm tired of starting over, just to find out that everyone is the

same. I am 30. All that's really left is death, and I've got a bit of a wait. Perhaps this 

is death- everyone goes away, one by one, a slow agonizing fade to black.