Warning: Really Dull Blog

Happy birthday to Joey Votto, who turns 28 today! I used to be such an obsessive Reds fan, but this year has been a bit......disappointing. Oh well, I guess every season can't be a winning one. What else is new.....my neighbor upstairs is a stupid bitch, but I've known that since she dripped gooey peanut butter all over my balcony last year. Today she was glaring at me from the parking lot while I smoked on my balcony. Why she hates me so badly, I will never know. There's more to the story than peanut butter and the evil eye, but I am so not in the mood to get into it. Not sure exactly what to do with my day today, but I have a feeling laundry is in the cards.....other than that, who knows? I guess I'll start by finishing up some research, and then turning on a movie.....

Theda Bara

Trying to look like Theda Bara.....got a long way to go, lol.

"It's so hard to love when love was your great disappointment..."

What a horrid day. If this rainy, grey weather continues, I shall go mad. I'm thinking about working on the computer until 3 pm, then taking my afternoon meds and going to bed. No one cares if I'm awake, and I can think of those who would rather I be asleep. I am tired of resenting people who think they are better than me, and longing for those who cannot be what I need them to be. I am alone. I always have been, and I always will be. I either accept it and get on with life,  or deny it and be forever disappointed. I've looked all my life for a reason to live, and haven't come up with anything. Spite is the best one at the moment. I'll live solely to irritate those who wish I would fade into the background and die. Once I thought it would all get better....I was awfully stupid, once.

Disappointed, Dull, and Drained.....

I am bored out of my mind tonight. I slept all day, until 5:30 pm, but I will probably go bed after I mess with the computer and take a shower. I'm getting tired of always being up when no one else is. There is nothing really to say, tonight.....all I did today was sleep, go to CVS, and get dinner at Wendy's. I texted briefly with Marty and Carrie, and emailed Nicole. I also talked to my mum and dad a bit. Still, I feel very alone, and oddly, drained. Just sitting here and listening to "Tattoo" by Jordin Sparks. Had a drink, so maybe I'll be able to sleep tonight. I just feel very stale. Maybe tomorrow will bring a fresh day........

"Never thought my day would come...."

My Wedding Ring

Sleepy and Bored

Bored tonight, and going to bed soon. Just listening to music, and thinking a bit. Mostly about people and places out of reach.....right now, "Light My Fire" by The Doors is playing. I wonder if time travel is really possible- I mean, traveling back to recapture emotions long dead. I don't know, and it's too late to find out, I think......

Illusions

Bored today. Waiting on Mum to take me to the bank and to therapy. Then we're going to go visit my grandmother. Not sure what to say really....everything is so uncertain these days. Life's axis changes from minute to minute, and the idealistic dreams I once had seem worn and tattered. Where do I go from here? I suppose I just plod along, doing nothing until I know what I'm doing. I'm not in heaven or hell, but a strange purgatory. I suppose I must be purged of my illusions before I can move on. Sometimes I think I was better off, not knowing any of this.....