Not much to say, tonight. I'm about to go to bed, actually- it's almost midnight. I'd pray for some excitement, but there's a saying about being careful what you wish for.....listening to the Carly Simon songs of childhood, and wondering if I'll ever make my peace with the past. Will I ever come to terms with the woman who raised me? Does anyone? I know the truth, even if I am constantly told I am lying. I was there. I think a part of me will always be in that hungry little wisp of a girl, wondering how thin she has to be before she's acceptable.....I never know what to do to get rewarded, because the rules keep changing. Standards are raised and lowered, and no one ever consulted me. My mother was the first, but by no means the last. I will never live up to what I am supposed to be to anyone. They say you can't please everyone, but I never please anyone, least of all myself......
Coming back now......and going to bed.
Another quiet night in the realm of Ricki....am angry with a friend of mine b/c she creates drama, and have decided it is not in my best int...
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