"It's so hard to love when love was your great disappointment..."

What a horrid day. If this rainy, grey weather continues, I shall go mad. I'm thinking about working on the computer until 3 pm, then taking my afternoon meds and going to bed. No one cares if I'm awake, and I can think of those who would rather I be asleep. I am tired of resenting people who think they are better than me, and longing for those who cannot be what I need them to be. I am alone. I always have been, and I always will be. I either accept it and get on with life,  or deny it and be forever disappointed. I've looked all my life for a reason to live, and haven't come up with anything. Spite is the best one at the moment. I'll live solely to irritate those who wish I would fade into the background and die. Once I thought it would all get better....I was awfully stupid, once.