Into The Night

I feel so sick and weak today, enough to ask myself what the point of all this is. Shall I continue to fight with all I have, to face a lifetime like this? I can't justify the battle, the struggle to survive, if bare survival is all I can muster up. I am falling apart. I feel like I used to: like Evita in the end of the musical. "Oh, what I'd give for a hundred years, but the physical interferes every day more, O My Creator. What is the good of the strongest heart in a body's that's falling apart? A serious flaw- I hope you know that..." I want to go to my bed and not rise from it again. Whatever it takes, I don't want to face this. I feel like a coward. I've not enough guts to either end it all, or accept it and be brave. I deny the inevitable, chasing the good days. What happens when all my good days are used up? I want to fade into the night, blend with the darkness until I am hidden from the evil that has invaded my physical form. One night, I will.