Reading Rainbow

This is hysterical! He's more Jim Morrison than Jim Morrison was!

Angela Minnie Pelosi Iannitti: 1921-2012

Yes, my nonna apparently slipped away early this morning. She was 90. Goat Boy called me circa 11:30 am, because he had heard it on Facebook (curse social media-and my cousin Tina). So......Ti amorate, nonna. Restare nella pace.

Like Mother, Like Daughter......

The photo of my mum, above, was taken circa 1977. The one of me, below, is from 2012. I don't think there is much resemblance, really. I guess Rick has all of the dominant genes.

Easily Amused

It's depressing sometimes, to hear about other people's families. I don't have a family- I have parents. They're the only people in my family who accept me. My brother and cousins all hate me.....or rather fear me, because I'm bipolar. I'm certain the children are told to avoid me. I tried to talk to a friend about it, but she has a great family, and doesn't get it. I'm a little depressed in general today, because everything has gone wrong and no one will listen. But I am playing Sim Social, because I am easily distracted.....

And I quote....

Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.
Isadora Duncan

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/i/isadora_duncan.html#dE3XcvpZ1gqtE73A.99

To Nonna

This is the Saturnia, the ship that brought my grandmother to the United States over 80 years ago. This is my tribute to mia nonna.....we didn't always see eye to eye, but I am forever proud of her.

Lunedi

Fairly dull afternoon here in Hamilton. Carrie and Marty do not seem to be awake yet, or, at least, responsive. Nonna is still among the living, last I checked. She isn't conscious, though, I don't think. A woman who survived a voyage from Mussolini's Italy to America, passing quietly out of this world.....she is 90 years old. Well, right now I'm just drinking a Coke and messing with the computer. When I finish the Coke, I'll have a cigarette, then maybe do some sketching in charcoals.....a lazy day, but who's counting?

Baseball Blues

Well, I'm looking for a new baseball team to follow. The Reds suck beyond belief.  They lost 6-1 to the Cubs yesterday. We're shelling out the big bucks for stars like Votto and Brandon Phillips, and they aren't performing. It bites!

No Future In Sight

She felt dirty, looking into signs of abuse. After all, didn't she choose to stay? And it was just emotional abuse at worst, although she often wished her partner would hit her. It would give her some sort of odd validation, so people would stop denying the problem- so she would stop denying the problem.
As she suspected, the signs were all there. She even found things she hadn't known were considered abusive, things that she had suffered silently There remained one questioned for the frightened woman.......
Now what do I do?

Consuming Blaze

Marty gave me n analogy tonight. I am in a burning house, and I have already been injured. Wouldn't it make sense to leave the house before I am further injured and possibly killed?No, the pain from my injury won't automatically ease just because I left the building, but in time it will heal. If, that is, I leave while I am still alive.......
So I'm through with her. She whom I could not live without. I'm drunk and totally fucked up, but for once in my life, I know what I have to do. Right?

The Gardens of Sampson and Beasley

"Under Orion's starry sky
I lie in the moonlit garden
Wondering when I close my eyes
If I'll ever find my heaven
Oh why will it never end
These days where I still pretend
Our love is around the bend
In the gardens of Sampson and Beasley"
-Pink Martini

ME

Another depressing day. Last week, I was struggling to find my happy place, but now I've given up. Everyone around me whines and complains constantly.  I'm not going to be the Pollyanna in a chorus of Eeyores. I'm tired of trying to connect with people who just see me as a place to unload their problems. If I have something to say, I am brushed off with some barely-there excuse. "I want to read today." You can't read for all 16 hours of wakefulness, but if I bring this up, I'm being selfish.
My point is, I'm tired of keeping up appearances. I want to be the self-centered, mean people I see around me. They're a lot better off than I am. I want be only connected to one person- me.

Finding Peace

Everyone is expecting way too much out of me today. I feels like, no one cares about me, so why do I have to suffer as they recount the minutest details of their lives, repeatedly? I never have to worry about anyone reading this blog because, frankly, no one cares what I have to say. Guess what? Texting gives me panic attacks. But I do it, constantly, for the privilege of having any human contact.
So it occurs to me, why am I doing this? I don't even like human contact. I'd rather just be left alone. So, I'm not replying to texts tonight. Not that it will hurt anyone but myself- no one is terribly interested in anything I'd try to text- but maybe I can find peace in complete isolation?

"What's so amazing about really deep thoughts?"

Not much going on today. I'm just going to have lunch, then get in the shower, then read for awhile. Hoping to have a quiet, relaxing day. Of course, when you hope for peace, you often get chaos, but I think that's because we are in this world to find peace in the chaos......that's my really deep thought for the day......

My Official Pin Up Picture

Me as a vintage pin up. Karl was right!

Me and Carrie on Easter

The happy couple, pre-festivities with their respective famigilie....

Happy Pesach!

Just want to wish a happy Pesach to everyone. I'm hoping the holiday is catalyst, and next week, all the problems I'm having will be resolved. Or, at least, I'll have the knowledge I need to resolve them....

Opening Day

Writing from the bottom of the fourth, Reds vs Marlins. Score is 1-0, Reds. I'll keep this entry brief, but you all know who I'm betting on. Here are some photos from Carrie:

Livin' la Vida Votto!

VottOs

A new cereal (yes, I bought two boxes!)

Mantra

Well, it's over. I'm free. I am my own person once again. Don't know how long it will last, but I can't cry anymore......

Dead

Here I am, trying to convince Carrie to leave me. I must be as worthless as she (and everyone else) says: no one can be bothered with me even when I am am about to, effectively, end my life. I don't want to take her down with me. I destroyed her life already; the only happy times she's had in 5 years were her precious "interims." Those were our break ups. Anyway, she made my choice......