Wait and See

Oy vey. Yesterday was a really great day, and today wasn't bad either. But now I'm having this odd bout of nausea, and trying to distract myself with a computer that isn't doing anything I tell it to. Oh, well. Fighting the nausea with food (sometimes it works) and just relaxing. Feeling very old tonight, for some reason. Perhaps I'm just tired. I'll probably go to bed around midnight. Maybe I'll go down and get a Coke, to help with my stomach.  The spaghetti is proving to be a bad idea...how does one get things to heat evenly in the microwave? Anyway, feeling a little like I'm in limbo....just waiting....

Happy Birthday!

Yes, I will be 31 at 7:01 pm today. It is true, I am old. Being old is nice, though. I don't worry about my looks all the time, except maybe keeping the grey out of my hair, lol. It's like, I've risen above all that shit. I'm coming into my own as a human being, so why would I care if I'm chunky or whatever? Carpe noctem! I don't have to play all the little games I played in my twenties anymore. It's not about getting admired because of my tits anymore, frankly. I'm old, married, and happy. It's not always easy, but it's better than being perpetually unfulfilled. Or perpetually humiliated and fucked over.....anyway, just stopping by on my blog. So far, it's been a wonderful birthday celebration, so let's keep it going!

Happy Birthday Week To Me.........

Ugh. A horrible week, and I just have to get another year older during it. My birthday is Tuesday, and I'm getting a pity visit from Mum. No one else gives a fuck. My best friends are either stuck somewhere, or don't care, and my significant other will only see me under optimal conditions, which aren't met this week. I was always really big on birthdays, but it seems they suck more and more every year. So I am alone and 31 (as of Tuesday). I should just get drunk. Of course, I've heard lately that I'm annoying when drunk, so I can't even do that anymore. Yes, I'm whiny. Life is a living hell, what do you want me to be?

Forgotten

Having what promises to go down in history as one of the most boring nights of my life. I feel so forgotten by the world. Munching on a bagel and feeling a little sorry for myself. Not too sorry, though- boredom is preferable to outright misery. Still, it just feels like everyone has forgotten I exist. So I'm having a couple of leftover beers from last night, and playing with my computer a bit. Life has become so predictable. Nothing exciting ever happens anymore. I think I was a lot happier when I was living downtown, in the midst of the corruption and squalor of the city. Out here, nothing ever changes, and nothing ever will. On that note, I need something else to stuff my fat face with. The bagel is gone.

This is.....

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Thanksgiving in Hamilton

Happy Thanksgiving to all! I am sitting here with a Corona, chilling, and thankful that I am not as dumb as my brother, who has already begun his Black Friday vigil outside WalMart. Yes, he may be the one with a future, but I am warm and snug with a beer, and that moron is in a parking lot, freezing. It's 40 degrees out, which isn't bad for late November in Ohio, but still isn't pleasant. I did walk to CVS about an hour ago, but it's a short walk, and was for the purpose of obtaining the Corona, which is a worthy quest, if you ask me. Lol. My friend Carly from kindergarten just posted that her liver is filing for divorce on grounds of organ abuse, Carrie says if you add ours, it could be a class action suit. Lmao, and I'll leave with that.....

Insomnia With An Attitude

I cannot sleep. This does not make me a bad person, nor does it mean I will not try harder to sleep in the future. It just means that I am awake at 4:17 am. I am not, contrary to popular belief, happy about still being awake. No, sleep is not my favorite activity, but I don't maniacally stay awake to inconvenience others. For that matter, I am not manic. I merely have my sleep schedule completely out of whack. I didn't wake up on Tuesday until 3:30 pm, which made everyone happy (at least temporarily). Which makes me wonder, why is everyone so unhappy about me being awake? Sigh. I am so sick of constantly defending myself on this issue. I'm not fond of sleeping, and never really have been. It's a personal preference. My father is the same. I'd rather be awake and amusing myself, than bored out of my mind lying in bed. But, it seems like if I don't at least make a token comment about how great sleep is, I am an unfit human being. But.......if I don't at least stare at the ceiling from now until 7 am, no one will like me. If only I'd grow some balls and be able to have a nice cheerful all-nighter!

The insanity before Thanksgiving.......

Headaches, sinuses, and nobody's quite home.......ah, the past two days have been pleasant around here. Oh, yeah, and dear readers- either you don't know how many times Tony Orlando knocked on the ceiling, or you simply don't exist as a readership. Thus I can write any insanity I want on here (assuming the latter, of course)."Jesus got run over by a reindeer, walking home from temple Christmas Eve, You can say there's no such thing as Jesus, and as for all us Jews here, we agree...." Ok, I'm being obnoxious. I feel vaguely drunken, but haven't been drinking or taking pills or any other popular Hamiltonian pursuits. Carrie just wants to correctly pronounce the Red nosed reindeer's name......and I'm regretting that half pint of Starbucks ice cream......

Peace, at last.....

It's been an exceedingly awful day, but it seems to be ending on a better note, especially if I go to sleep soon, as I'm planning. The holidays are coming soon....Thursday is Thanksgiving and then next Tuesday is my birthday. It's supposed to snow next week, which could be good or bad, depending......I took my Ativan early tonight, so I feel peaceful and serene. I've been sick and aggravated all day, and this is idyllic in comparison. Well,  sleep is coming (although I was only awake for maybe 6 hours today) and I'm not wanting to prolong awareness, even if it did get better.....

Elusive Sleep

Very, very tired, and probably going to bed soon. Bored out of my mind and a little lonely, as well, but it could be worse. The past few days have been lovely. I'm just a little worn out, and can't quite get to sleep. Drinking a beer- that might help. After I finish, I'll have a smoke and then lie down. It's almost 5 am, and my sleep schedule is getting really screwy, but it's not like I have anything to wake up for.....

Waffle House, Eurotrip, and Levon

At Carrie's house, at the moment. Just chilling before we go to lunch at Waffle House. I woke up with an inexplicable craving for Waffle House, and oddly enough, she's been craving it for the past three weeks. Then we are returning to casa sua to watch Eurotrip, which has got to be one of the funniest movies ever. A few Coronas, and it could be the perfect afternoon. I wonder if anyone reads this blog (my guess is no). Here's a test: if you are reading this, and can tell me how many times you must knock on Tony Orlando's ceiling, leave a comment. A prize will be awarded to the first response. Lol. And no, I'm not drunk yet, I swear.

To My Neighbor, George.....

You will be missed, man. Rest in Peace.

Mental Illness.

Discrimination against the mentally ill is actually the most prevalent bigotry today. I'm tired of being told I'm not a human being, because my mind doesn't work the same way as the majority of people's do. I'm tired of living in poverty, because I'm "disabled" and thus, garbage to most people. You think I'm lazy? Keep up with constant appointments while battling a deadly illness. Got a problem with my weight? Try the meds I'm on, and we'll see what you look like, after the side effects. I am constantly judged by even well-meaning people. Honey, you look depressed- get some sleep (in other words, fuck off and leave me alone). Or, my favorite.....if a bipolar person shows the slightest sign of happiness, they are manic, and should be medicated into a catatonic state. We're not even human beings under the law, or in a hospital setting. Hospital staff just assume that, even if we claim a physical problem, it is psychosomatic, and we belong in the mental ward. It's all tiresome, and most of us avoid medical settings. It all feels totally hopeless.........

November Sunday

Blogging at 3 am is never a good idea, but here goes.....just chilling at home tonight. Having a major salt craving all of a sudden. Ah, pretzels. I'm trying to play Sims on Facebook, but it's not working very well tonight. Oh, well. Moving on to YoVille. Damn, I'm bored. All of my friends seem to be sleeping. Maybe that's sort of a cosmic hint, that I need to do some chores, but I think I'll have a glass of tea first. OK, now, finish the tea, then mop the floor in the kitchen. Or should I have a smoke before I do the kitchen floor? Oy vey. I am procrastinating.....and this blog is even boring me.

Button

Someone has been to Hamilton lately....

TGIF, My Ass!

Dyeing my hair tonight. Not much else going on, though. Getting very sleepy, but I tend to wake up sometimes at odd hours.....or not. Life is pretty boring these days. Election Day is over, and nothing else seems to be coming along to make life interesting. It's all very tedious these days......not wanting to leave the apartment much. I don't think anyone really cares, and I've been wanting to avoid people, more and more. I'm not enjoying the human interaction I do force myself into, so why should I make myself more miserable? I'll probably go to bed after I wash the dye out. Tomorrow will be more of the same, and on through Sunday, and Monday. The monotony is killing me, but I backed myself into this corner.....and it beats human interaction. God, I wish people would leave me alone!

Matters of the Heart

Matters Of The Heart lyrics

I lose my head
From time to time
I make a fool of myself
In matters of the heart
We should have been holding each other
Instead we talked
I make a fool of myself
In matters of the heart
But I asked before
Your reply was kind and polite
One wants more
When one's denied
I make a fool of myself
In matters of the heart
I won't call it love
But it feels good to have passion in my life
If there's a battle
I hope my head always defers to my heart
In matters of the heart
I guess I'm crazy to think
I can give you what you don't want
I make a fool of myself
In matters of the heart
I've made myself sick
I can't think of anything else
I can't sleep at night
I make a fool of myself
In matters of the heart
I wish that I had the power
To make these feelings stop
I lose all self control
In matters of the heart
I can't believe
It's so hard to find someone
To give affection to
And from whom you can receive
I guess it's just the draw of the cards
In matters of the heart
You caught me off guard
Somehow you reached me
Where I thought I had nothing left inside
I've learned a lesson I've been edified
In matters of the heart
I've spent my nights
Where the sleeping dogs lie
Not by your side
It feels so lonely
Once again I've left too much to chance
In matters of the heart
Here I sit
I'm feeling sorry for myself
It's quite a sight
But I have you to thank
For reminding me
We're all alone in this world
And in matters of the heart
I'm already missing you
Although we won't say good-byes
Until tomorrow afternoon
Maybe when and if I see you again
We'll see eye to eye
In matters of the heart
I have no harsh words for you
I have no tears to cry
If the moon were full
I'd be howling inside
It only hurts
In matters of the heart
If today were my birthday
I'd be reborn
As Bronte's bird a bird that could fly
And all accounts would be settled
In matters of the heart
Matters of the heart

When you sense that you are losing everything, all you can do is sing. 

To Sunshine and the others

In memory of all of the women who were murdered in Rocky Mount, North Carolina since 2005. You are not forgotten. May we always remember that every life has meaning and value.

For Good Lyrics - Wicked @ eLyrics.net

For Good Lyrics - Wicked @ eLyrics.net

"Oh, what a circus, oh, what a show....."

I want life to be a musical. I want people to randomly burst into song, besides me. It would be fun. I think my life would be very Avenue Q (I often find myself singing the song, "It Sucks To Be Me"), with muppets representing the people around me. Anyway.....not really sure where I was going with that. Just chilling here at home until about 2:40 pm, when I'm going down to Democrat HQ and making calls against issue 2. I'm kind of tired, but I'll live. Marty might stop by or something afterward. Anyway, I'm going to get a soda and play Facebook games. Ciao!

I'm Feeling Wicked

"Too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I've lost. Well, if that's love, it comes at much too high a cost! I'd rather buy defying gravity...." I saw Wicked yesterday at the Aronoff Center in Cincinnati. It was a really great performance, and Elphaba (Mamie Parris) was an incredible singer. The best song was "Defying Gravity." I found this video on YouTube, so enjoy!

Wednesday

Getting tired now, but I've had a nice day. I didn't really sleep last night, but I had a good time on Sims, on Facebook. I did that until about 11 am, then went to the bank. I picked up lunch on the way home, a gyro and cheese fries at Mike's. I talked to Carrie circa 1 pm, and she came over. We went to Fashion Bug, b/c I needed a pair of nice black slacks (I'm going to see Wicked at the Aronoff in Cincinnati tomorrow, or rather, today). I found a pair I liked that were 30% off, and a beautiful dress for 50% off. My mum and dad later bitched me out for buying a dress when I have a million others, but like I give a rat's ass. I can afford it, and it makes me happy. Anyway, after Fashion Bug, we went to Noonan's and then back my house. We hung out there for awhile, and then went to Meisterhaus (oh, shit, I have to mail the photos I took to my email). Then she took me home. It was really fun. Now I'm going to fool around on the computer until 1 am, then take a shower, clean up the apartment a bit, and try to be in bed around 3 am. I'll sleep until about 9 am, then my mum is picking me up around 10:30 am. I'm going back to their house to get dressed, and then we're leaving for Cincy circa noon. I have no idea when I'll be home, but I don't have any plans for Friday, except going down to the bank to pay rent. The entire weekend will be devoted to canvassing, so I suppose I'll have to cut back on my Facebook games a bit until Election Day. Well, it's almost one, so moving on.....

Buon Compleanno!

Happy birthday to my baby sister, Nicole! This is the two of us last year during Hanukkah.

Hanna

My patron hermit crab :)