Well, Did You Evah!

I have heard among this clan,
You are called the forgotten man
(Is that what they're saying, well did you evah!)
(What a swell party this is)

And have you heard the story of,
A boy, a girl, unrequited love
(Sounds like pure soap opera, tune in tomorrow) I
May cry
(What a swell party this is)

(What frills, what frocks) What broads!
(What furs, what rocks!) They're bootiful.
(Why I've never seen such gaity) Neither have I.
(Its all just too, too risque really)

This french champagne (domestic)
(So good for the brain) that's what I was going to
Say.
(You know you're a brilliant fellow?) Why thank
You
(Pick up jack. Please don't eat that glass my friend)

(Have you heard, about dear Blanche?)
(Got run down by an avalanche) No!
(Oh don't worry, she's a game girl you know, got
Up and finished 4th)
The kids got guts. (Having a nice time? Grab a
Line!)

Have you heard that Mimsie Starr (what now)

She got pinched in the Astor bar
(Sloshed again, eh?) She was stoned.
Well, did you evah? (Never!)
What a swell party this is!

Hey, check out that act! (That's a lovely dress.
You think I can talk her out of it?)

It's great, (aah it's great)
So grand! (so grand)
It's wonderland!
La da da da...

(We sing), oh we sing
(So rare) so rare
(Like old camembert)
(Like baba au rhum!)
Don't dig that kind of crooning chum!

Have you heard? It's in the stars
Next July we collide with Mars.
Well, did you evah?
What a swell party, a swell party
A swelligant, elegant party this is!

(I drink to your health)
Naw, lets drink to your wealth
Your my bon ami
Hey, that's french
A liberty fraternity

Have you heard? It's in the stars
Next July we collide with Mars.
Well, did you evah?
What a swell party, swell party
Swelligant, elegant party this is!

Banditos

A song I loved back in high school:

So, just how far down do you want to go?
Or we could talk it out over a cup of joe
And you could look deep into my eyes
Like I was a super-model
Uh-huh

Well, it's you and me baby, no one else we can trust
We'll say nothin' to no one, no how or we bust
And never crack a smile
Or flinch or cry for nobody
Uh-uh

Well, give your ID card to the border guard
Yeah, your alias says you're Captain Jean-Luc Picard
Of the United Federation Of Planets
'Cause he won't speak English anyway

And everybody knows
That the world is full of stupid people
So meet me at the mission at midnight
We'll divvy up there

And everybody knows
That the world is full of stupid people
Well, I got the pistols, so I'll keep the Pesos
Yeah, and that seems fair

Helpless

Pictures from seeing Hamilton on 14 December 2019. Have been feeling rather "helpless" lately, myself.......

tori song and a wedding

Not tonight josephine.
In an army's strength therein
Lies the denouement. From
Here you're haunting me. By
The Seine so beautiful, only
Not to be of use, impossible.
So strange, victory, 1200 spires
The only sound, moscow burning.
Empty like the Tuileries. Like a dream
Vienna seems, only not to be of use- impossible.
In the last extremity, to
Advance or not to advance, I
Hear you laughing
Even still you're calling me
"not tonight, not tonight
Not tonight"
Josephine



"No balla, Angelina, no ballo mai!"

It's Over (It Is)

Sorry sir, I stole your money.
Sorry sir, I feel,
But it's so, so twisted,
So unreal.

It was what I'd heard of,
And what I didn't have,
But I cannot give what I do not have,
And I cannot take what I do not have.
I can't take it.

Don't stultify.
Don't hold me high.
Don't stultify.
Don't hold me high.

Too many things held precious,
Too many things held dear;
That's what I hate,
That's what I fear.
Too much to ask for
May leave me feeling lonely.
Too little leaves me nothing, nothing.

The drone in your voice, and the fly on the wall said,
"It's over, it's over, it's over, it is."
What do I wish for you, what do I wish?
It's over, it's over, it is.

Are we still solemn and bleeding?
Are we still swimming to water that was wet?
You can't give away certain things that you get.

From the outside
To the inside
I couldn't tell you how it really was.
There has to be more on one hand,
Keep your head above water on the other, the other.

The drone in your voice, and the fly on the wall said,
"It's over, it's over, it's over, it is."
What do I wish for you, what do I wish?
It's over, it's over, it is.

And are we still solemn and bleeding?
And are we still swimming to water that was already wet?
I can forgive, but I won't forget.

I'll wish for you,
I'll plead and I'll steal.
Hold me precious, hold me dear.
I'll wish for you,
I'll sing and I'll feel.
Don't stultify, don't hold me high.

Like a Gothic staple, a last good-bye,
One way to float is if you die.
And it's over, it's over, it's over.

It's over, it's over, it's over
It's over, it's over.

Meaning Should Be Understood By Now.....

In honor of Halloween and Dios de los muertas....

My Political Crush

Michael Avenatti is hot. Period.

Stronger Woman

Stronger Woman (Jewel)
[Verse 1]
I guess you could say I'm one of those girls
Who's always been with one of those guys
You know the type
Like right now, he sleeps while I write
But it's better than crying
Warn out from trying
From loving a man who always makes it clear
I am not welcome here
Just till he's horny or hungry or needs something clean
You know what I mean
But not tonight
Cause come the morning light, oh

[Chorus]
I'm gonna love myself
More than anyone else
Believe in me
Even if someone can't see
A stronger woman in me
I'm gonna be my own best friend
Stick with me till the end
Won't lose myself again
Never, no
Cause there's a stronger woman
A stronger woman in me

[Verse 2]
Light bulbs buzz, I get up
Head to my drawer
Wish there was more
I could say
Another fairy tale fades to grey
I've lived on hope
Like a child
Walking that mile
Faking that smile
All the while
Wishing my heart had wings
Well from now on I'm gonna be
The kind of woman I'd want my daughter to be, oh

[Chorus]
I'm gonna love myself
More than anyone else
Believe in me
Even if someone can't see
A stronger woman in me
I'm gonna be my own best friend
Stick with me till the end
Won't lose myself again
Never, no
Cause there's a stronger woman
A stronger woman

[Bridge]
This is me packing up my bags
This is me headed for the door
This is me, the best you ever had

[Chorus]
I'm gonna love myself
More than anyone else
Believe in me, even if someone can't see
The a stronger woman in me
Gonna be my own best friend
Stick with me till the end
Won't lose myself again, no, no
Cause there's a stronger woman, stronger woman
There's a stronger woman, stronger woman in me
Stronger woman in me

To Her

Dairy Queen by the Indigo Girls

I heard that you were drunk and mean down at
Dairy queen
There's just enough of you in me
For me to have this sympathy

And take it in stride
I know I had mine
And you were as kind
I am told

Ain't it funny how we lose one day
And a lifetime slips away
I'm looking back on us that way
Something I never thought I'd say
I take it in stride
I know I had mine
It was good for a time
I am told
It was good for a time
I am told

The love you gave was not for free
But the price was truly fair
I never felt so glad to be
So well spent and so beyond repair
I take it in stride
At least you were mine
If not for all time
Enough to hold
Or at least, enough for me to hold you

Now take good care that you are true
You said you found it hard to do
And find that bit of faith that sets you free
From having everything to prove
And you take it in stride
And know you've got mine
And it's good for a lifetime or more
Hey I love you more and more
Oh I love you more and more yeah

NOT safe for work

A nude GIF I made....enjoy or ignore!

3 quotes for today

"The moments when you're in so deep, it seems easier to just swim down..." -Hamilton: An American Musical

"Funny when you're dead how people start listening...." -The Band Perry

"The love you gave was not for free, but the price was truly fair. I never felt so glad to be so well spent, so beyond repair..." -Amy Ray

Human Nature

The ever-changing life of Lilli rolls on! Carrie and I split up yet again. It was inevitable, I suppose. I believe Madonna said it best in "Human Nature": "I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me." Well, here's to hoping it will somehow stick this time. Anyway, I'm probably being kind by telling people "it just didn't work out." She loves to talk shit about me in the "interims." Ah, well.  

I Quit

I had my last cigarette on the evening of 23 August 2019. I haven't smoked since, and it's weird. I feel like I have more energy and stamina. I am 38, and I am ready to be a nonsmoker. 

Abraham Lincoln

Oh, and did you know Lincoln was Jewish? Well, he was shot in the temple....(joke courtesy of Dean Martin).

Thinner?

Well, I found a photo app that makes one look thinner, so I tried it out. I think I like the bottom pic better.....it looks like me, not some willowy clone of everyone else.

Recent Adventures in Photo Editing

These are a few of my favorite things.....

Once upon a time.....

Pictures from my past....

Coexist

My favorite store ever, in Hamilton. Located on Main St, it was a spiritual abode. They closed in May. I suspect that perhaps militant Xians are the reason, but I don't really know. 

An old photo

I have no idea when this dates back to....

A Song of Relevance

"School Night"

she went over to his apartment
clutching her decision
and he said, did you come here to tell me goodbye?
so she built a skyscraper of procrastination
and then she leaned out the twenty-fifth floor window 
of her reply
and she felt like an actress
just reading her lines
when she finally said
yes. it's really goodbye this time
and far below was the blacktop
and the tiny toy cars
and it all fell so fast 
and it all fell so far

and she said:
you are a miracle but that is not all
you are also a stiff drink and i am on call
you are a party and i am a school night
and i'm lookin' for my door key 
but you are my porch light

and you'll never know, dear
just how much i loved you
you'll probably think this was
just my big excuse
but i stand committed
to a love that came before you
and the fact that i adore you
is but one of my truths

what of the mother
whose house is in flames
and both of her children
are in their beds crying
and she loves them both
with the whole of her heart
but she knows she can only
carry one at a time?
she's choking on the smoke
of unthinkable choices
she is haunted by the voices
of so many desires
she's bent over from the business 
of begging forgiveness
while frantically running around
putting out fires

but then what kind of scale
compares the weight of two beauties
the gravity of duties
or the ground speed of joy?
tell me what kind of gauge 
can quantify elation?
what kind of equation
could i possibly employ?
and you'll never know, dear 
just how much i loved you 
you probably think this was 
just my big excuse
but i stand committed
to a love that came before you
and the fact that i adore you
is just one of my truths

so i
i'm goin' home
to please the one i so love pleasing
and i don't expect
he'll have much sympathy for my grieving
but i guess that this is the price
that we pay for the privilege 
of living for even a day
in a world with so many things 
worth believing 
in

The Porters

 Reel Life

Real Life

Aftermath

Friday night in Hamilton. I sit here stoned and slowly devour the contents of my kitchen. Tori is singing "Playboy Mommy" and when I hear "Gloria" I think of Mom.                  

"Alexa Knows"

Hate to admit it
But you were right all along
Turns out I was just a mirage
Cause he tried to touch me
But his hand went right through
Strange enough all I thought of was you

Flood gates are open
But on the other side
There was nothing
it was all just big hype
So when he asked a question
Why'd you bother to lie
I just wanted something good enough to hide
Was my reply

And I can't help but feel changed
Parts of me ruined
From everything that's happened

And I was trying to be sane
But I don't want to be someone
Who can't believe in magic

So I pretended I'm amazed and that I can't believe my eyes
He made the world disappear but I do that trick
All the fucking time

Did time make me look smarter?
I asked in the parking lot
He said my hair's gotten longer
But I still hide and talk

And I thought I knew by now
Questions only lead to answers
You never could allow
Any scripted banter

And I can't help but feel changed
Parts of me ruined
From everything that's happened

And I was trying to be sane
But I don't want to be someone
Who can't believe in magic

So I pretended I'm amazed and that I can't believe my eyes
He made the world disappear but I do that trick
All the fucking time

Did time make me look smarter?
I asked in the parking lot
He said my hair's gotten longer
But I still hide and talk

And I thought I knew by now
Questions only lead to answers
You never could allow
Any scripted banter

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