Found Out About You, Indeed

This is an old favorite. It mostly reminds me of one of the last really good times I ever had.....

"Found Out About You"
performed by the Gin Blossoms
All last summer in case you don't recall
I was yours and you were mine forget it all
Is there a line that I could write
Sad enough to make you cry
All the lines you wrote to me were lies
The months roll past the love that you struck dead
Did you love me only in my head?
Things you said and did to me
Seemed to come so easily
The love I thought I'd won you give for free
Whispers at the bus stop
I heard about nights out in the school yard
I found out about you
Rumors follow everywhere you go
Like when you left and I was last to know
You're famous now and there's no doubt
In all the places you hang out
They know your name and know what you're about
Whispers at the bus stop
I heard about nights out in the school yard
I found out about you
Street lights blink on through the car window
I get the time too often on AM radio
You know it's all I think about
I write your name drive past your house
Your boyfriend's over I watch your light go out
Whispers at the bus stop
I heard about nights out in the school yard
I found out about you

"Why am I still typing?"

Trying to take a nap, but I can't sleep. Drunk as fuck on  half a bottle of wine, but it's not helping. I just wish I could not exist for a bit. The only way I can lose myself is to sleep. I stupidly slept with my ex tonight. Not the one I talk about constantly, just some guy I dated. I guess you could say I have a pathological longing for my ex-fiancée. She's the only one I ever connected with, ever. Why am I still typing? 

Trembling in my apartment one evening

I hate people who play mind games, abusive people who tell you how awful you are so you'll stay. I'm tired of fear, I'm tired of gossipy, nosey neighbors. I wish cell phones had never been invented! Most of all, I wish everyone would leave me alone. Forever!

Ancestry

Once again, I have access to ancestry.com! I was reading census records last night....a lot of glass ceilings have been broken, although we've got a long way to go. My great-grandmother was born in southern Italy in 1894. She never had the opportunity to attend school, and her marriage was likely arranged. Compare that to my American upbringing! Well, back to the family tree.....

Honoring Holocaust Victims: Post One

Here are photos of several victims of the Holocaust, their birth dates, and death dates.

Francoise Frank, 4 March 1928- 18 April 1944

Francoise Michele Levy  7 February 1925- 10 February 1944

 

Victoria Violette Avidor 5 April 1929- 25 May 1944

Liliane Bloch 20 January 1929- 20 November 1943

May they be remembered forever......

 

Sick Day?

I'm ill today, and wishing I could hope for the future, hoping there is a future for me. I've given up, I'm afraid. Death doesn't look so bad. I just wish life hadn't been such a nightmare.

My Enemy

This may be my last post on this topic....
"My Enemy" by Juliana Hatfield

Put your ear next to my beating heart
Still alive
And if you pick me up in your arms
I'll give you one more chance
To try and knock me down again

If you want to stand me up on frozen ground
Go on take aim when I open my mouth

I still love my enemy
I still love my enemy

You appointed me the stoic one
Not allowed to cry these tears
But silence belies the pain
You pushed inside

Impossible to love
Is, all that I know how to be
But in my heart, I keep repeating
You didn't mean to hate me

I still love my enemy
I still love my enemy

Read more: Juliana Hatfield - My Enemy Lyrics | MetroLyrics
Letting go.....

An open letter

This post is for Kyrie....If you happen to see this, I wanted to show you this photo. I know you won't answer your phone to me.....but maybe you'll see this someday. Kyrie, I'm not angry anymore.....

Domenica

Nothing is new here. Spending my Sunday solo, in my apt. Went to Olive Garden last night with mia famiglia to celebrate the 27th birthday of the capra ragazzo. The calamari was really great. Today is sunny, and warm, compared to the winter we've had. I'm lonely, but it's ok, when it's nice out.....

Random Thoughts on a Freezing Cold Purim....

Bored off my ass today, and hyper, as well. I just woke up like a Pop Tart from a toaster, and it sorta set the tone for the day, I think. Nothing is going on here at the old Petty Plaza (is there EVER anything going on here?) so I guess I'll probably wind up doing laundry or cleaning. Happy Purim, y'all, lol. Opening Day for the Reds is in exactly one month and one day. Oh, yeah, and my little brother, Goat Boy, is 27 today. The brat finally is a gainfully employed lawyer....oh, Rick was right when he said time was the great equalizer. I was the prodigy as a child, while my brother reminded us of that cartoon, Baby Huey. Now he has a real job and a real life, and I sit around the house all day, like an ingénue waiting in the wings. But today is a good day, so I won't go there, in my mind. I just want to blast music on my iPod, and be ME....although I should probably don a costume of some sort (re: Purim). Anyway. it's a random day.....

Alexa Knows

Spring is coming, and I wonder what the past year was really for. Why have I felt alone like this, and put up with it? So here is the song for tonight.....

"Alexa Knows"

Hate to admit it
But you were right all along
Turns out I was just a mirage
Cause he tried to touch me
But his hand went right through
Strange enough all I thought of was you

Flood beats irrelevant
But on the other side
There was nothing
it was all just big hype
So when he asked the question
Why'd you bother to lie
I just wanted something good enough to hide
So I replied

And I can't help but feel changed
Back to me ruined
From everything that's happened

And I was trying to be sane
But I don't want to be someone
Who can't believe in magic

So I pretended I'm amazed and that I can't believe my eyes
He made the world disappear but I do that trick
All the fucking time

Did time make me look smarter
I asked in the parking lot
He said my hair's gotten longer
But I still hide and talk

And I thought I knew by now
Questions only lead to answers
You never could allow
Any scripted banter

I don't want to feel plain
You know me I write
All my endings tragic

And I was trying to be sane
I don't want to be someone
Who can't believe in magic

Hate to admit it
You were right all along
Turns out I was just a mirage

Read more: Laura V. Proenza - Alexa Knows Lyrics | MetroLyrics