Three Boys

Three yeshiva students recently kidnapped by Hamas. Keep them in your prayers:

Depressed

As nice as Mike is, he can't seem to fill the hole in my heart. I'm not entirely certain he's even interested in me. We rarely text or talk, most days. Carrie was my whole life. How do I go from one extreme to the other? I feel empty and lonely. I've lost my soulmate, and everyone expects me to act like nothing happened. Seven years of my life belonged to her. I wish I had the courage to end my life. Sadly, I pathetically remain. Why, I'll never know.

Adorable Joey Votto pic

Monday, Monday

Well, I've no idea what to say today....going to the doctor soon for endrometriosis issues, then running some easy errands and returning home. Not very exciting, especially compared to the wonderful day I had yesterday (yes, I'm smitten).

Daughter of a Preacher Man

My dad is a trained Catholic deacon. He was going to work as a deacon upon retirement......then the economy got fucked up, and he doesn't get to retire. This is one of my favorite songs.....

Mike

Yes, I have a severe crush....

2007-2014

It was a time in my life I will never forget, marked indelibly on my soul. Hopefully memory will serve me well, cater to me, and bring back only images of the beauty and grace that belonged to it....to us. But I can't live there any longer. It's too painful to die to the present, and make myself into a paean to the past. I love you. Rest well. 

Where I Am Now

"Closer"

All I want to get is a little bit closer
All I want to know is, can you come a little closer?

Here comes the breath before we get a little bit closer
Here comes the rush before we touch, come a little closer

The doors are open, the wind is really blowing
The night sky is changing overhead

It's not just all physical
I'm the type who won't get oh so critical
So let's make things physical
I won't treat you like you're oh so typical
I won't treat you like you're oh so typical

All you think of lately is getting underneath me
All I dream of lately is how to get you underneath me

Here comes the heat before we meet a little bit closer
Here comes the spark before the dark, come a little closer

The lights are off and the sun is finally setting
The night sky is changing overhead

It's not just all physical
I'm the type who won't get oh so critical
So let's make things physical
I won't treat you like you're oh so typical

I want you close, I want you
I won't treat you like you're typical
I want you close, I want you
I won't treat you like you're typical

Here come the dreams of you and me
Here come the dreams
Here come the dreams of you and me
Here come the dreams

It's not just all physical
I'm the type who won't get oh so critical
So let's make things physical
I won't treat you like you're oh so typical

I want you close, I want you
I won't treat you like you're typical
I want you close, I want you
I won't treat you like you're typical

I won't treat you like you're typical
I won't treat you like you're typical

All I want to get is a little bit closer
All I want to know is, can you come a little closer?

Friday

Word to the wise: if you are having kids, you must be able to deal with them, no matter what special needs they might have. My mother is angry with me because I've been telephoning her too much. I am very ill, both physically and mentally, and I have nowhere else to turn. Profuse vomiting is unpleasant enough, but in my mental state, I could very well just give up. Nevermind that my brother talks to us like we are lower than dirt- he's studying for the bar, and must be catered to and coddled. I realize everything would be better for everyone had I never been born, but it's not my fault. I didn't ask to be crazy and sickly. They tell me I must not kill myself, but isn't that the only way to solve the problem?

Janis

Parents

My father's favorite quotes are "Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer," and "Time is the great equalizer." The former is from The Godfather (my dad is Italian-American.). The latter means that no one should be too self-congratulatory when comparing oneself to others, especially in youth. We all grow up, we all grow old, we all die.  I always wondered if I was disappointing to my father, b/c even with time, my life has gone nowhere. However, there is always still time.....and anyway, Rick tends to think I'm a saint b/c of all the suffering my illnesses have imposed upon me. It's interesting, but my parents really see saintly qualities in me. Of course, they are still critical of, say, my manner of dress. I feel often like I am in a weird sort of hiding with them......but for the most part, they are wonderful.