Blizzard?

We expected the blizzard of the century. This is what we got.....

Christmas Night

Terrific. We are, perhaps, expecting a blizzard. But here, we are getting drunk and don't care. Champagne, anyone?

Why I Hate Yahoo News

You gotta love the right wing nut jobs on Yahoo news. I wrote the following comment, re: some British guy they all want to deport because he supports gun control:

"Yes, let's deport someone for having different views than we do. Seriously, that attitude is completely un-American, to silence others' views because we happen to disagree with them. How can you believe so strongly in the second amendment, and ignore parts of the first? And yes, I realize that Morgan may not be a citizen. I just find this petition to run counter to American values."

I got two negative votes, but no argumentative replies. What a bunch of fucking idiot sheep! Now some moron is saying that without guns in the hands of every dumbass in the country,we are no better than Nazi Germany. Merry fucking Christmas to you, too! 

Yes, let's deport someone for having different views than we do. Seriously, that attitude is completely un-American, to silence others' views because we happen to disagree with them. How can you believe so strongly in the second amendment, and ignore parts of the first? And yes, I realize that Morgan may not be a citizen. I just find this petition to run counter to American values.

Yes, let's deport someone for having different views than we do. Seriously, that attitude is completely un-American, to silence others' views because we happen to disagree with them. How can you believe so strongly in the second amendment, and ignore parts of the first? And yes, I realize that Morgan may not be a citizen. I just find this petition to run counter to American values.

Guardian Angel

"Ordinary Day"

Just a day,
Just an ordinary day.
Just trying to get by.
Just a boy,
Just an ordinary boy.
But he was looking to the sky.
And as he asked if I would come along
I started to realize
That everyday he finds
Just what he's looking for,
Like a shooting star he shines.

He said take my hand,
Live while you can
Don't you see your dreams lie right in the palm of your hand

And as he spoke, he spoke ordinary words
Although they did not feel
For I felt what I had not felt before
And you'd swear those words could heal.
And as I looked up into those eyes
His vision borrows mine.
And I know he's no stranger,
For I feel I've held him for all of time.

And he said take my hand,
Live while you can
Don't you see your dreams lie right in the palm of your hand
In the palm of your hand.

Please come with me,
See what I see.
Touch the stars for time will not flee.
Time will not flee.
Can you see?

Just a dream, just an ordinary dream.
As I wake in bed
And the boy, that ordinary boy
Or was it all in my head?
Did he asked if I would come along
It all seemed so real.
But as I looked to the door,
I saw that boy standing there with a deal.

And he said take my hand,
Live while you can,
Don't you see all your dreams lie right in the palm of your hand
In the palm of your hand,
In the palm of your hand.

Just a day, just an ordinary day
Just trying to get by.
Just a boy,
Just an ordinary boy.
But he was looking to the sky.

I love this song right now. I think we all need an angel to invade our lives sometimes. My guardian angel woke me up, and refuses to let me go back to sleep. He believes in me, and I love him dearly. Why let circumstances dictate who we are?

Weird Inside Joke

All I am saying is, "You'd never know it, but buddy, I'm a kind of poet...."

Winter

I have reached the bursting point for the second time in the past 3 months. I am severely depressed. It gets old after awhile, fighting 3 major, chronic illnesses. But veno-occlusive disease and endometriosis are nothing in comparison to the other one- bipolar disorder. I am tired of feeling helpless while the President and Congress cut my benefits (I'm barely surviving on what I get now. I live far below the poverty line). I hate where I live, but it's the only housing I can afford. I would like to go back to living with my parents. Their petty tyranny is irritating, but I don't have anyone else. I have no reason to leave the house, and I haven't the means to get anywhere my ailing body can't walk. I am completely alone, and while I know I can be a strain on my parents, I honestly don't have anyone else. My so-called fiance prefers her precious solitude, and I accept that. Hell, I wish I were the same way. I haven't got any other friends. Where would I make friends? I am a recluse. Not by choice, but by necessity. So I guess everyone expects me to go mad here in my isolation, and kill myself. Do I even have a say in the matter? I refuse to live like this. I refuse! There is no dignity in this hell. I am just one of society's forgotten, ,I suppose. How did I get here? Even I haven't a clue.

"It ain't my fault you're motivated...."

Mmmm, yeah ... like this bassline ... wooo ... One these days I'm a run this town. You know what I'm sayin'? Give me another drink of that water. Yeah. Sing it now... Woooo

It ain't my fault you're motivated
'cause I ain't workin' my drive has faded
I'd rather chill, talk to my friends
and drink my coffee, laugh at my sins
I'm lovin' life, it's a pretty day
and I'm a let it waste away
I said I'm lovin' life it's a pretty day
and I'm a let it waste away

I rather stand on the corner and laugh my ass off
and pay my dues I done work my ass off
but work never got me nowhere
it was like god luck and I just happened to be there
and I'm a show up when I show up
and if I don't blow up. fuck it. I don't blow up
at least I don't have to grow up
man let me smoke my cigarette
I figurin' now 'bout all the things I won't get
a bunch of bullshit I really don't need
a bunch of dumb bitches mixin' crack with weed
but I got caffiene and I got pills
I got me a beat machine and I got skills
and so what if I gotta sleep all day
it ain't like I'm missin' much anyway
'cause it's a fake and it's all take
you're all full of shit so I'll D.O.A.

It ain't my fault you're motivated
'cause I ain't workin' my drive has faded
I'd rather chill, talk to my friends
and drink my coffee, laugh at my sins
I'm lovin' life, it's a pretty day
and I'm a let it waste away
I said I'm lovin' life it's a pretty day
and I'm a let it waste away

You all look at me like I done lost my mind
wearin' argyle socks doin' the 'bump and grind'
I got IZOD v-neck, a hi-tech redneck
Pumas and a foamy hat so give me respect
I spent about ten years in the hole
after a light-skinned girl cold stole my soul
but now I'm up I don't give a fuck
you can have my depression, you can eat my butt
I don't need no philosophies, except my own
for christ's sakes it's too late, I guess I'm grown
and I've learned enough to know I don't know shit
I've bitched and moaned but I ain't never quit
kept on survivin' and kept on strivin'
fixed my transmission and kept on drivin'
so I guess it's okay to be mentally ill
guess it ended up payin' all my damn bills

It ain't my fault you're motivated
'cause I ain't workin' my drive has faded
I'd rather chill, talk to my friends
and drink my coffee, laugh at my sins
I'm lovin' life, it's a pretty day
and I'm a let it waste away
I said I'm lovin' life it's a pretty day
and I'm a let it waste away

Man, it ain't my fault you wanna run errands ... get up early ... go to the grocery store ... It's good you motivated. I'm proud of you, man. But I'm goin' back to bed.

It ain't my fault you're motivated
'cause I ain't workin' my drive has faded (MOTIVATED!)
I'd rather chill, talk to my friends
and drink my coffee, laugh at my sins
I'm lovin' life, it's a pretty day
and I'm a let it waste away (WASTE AWAY!)
I said I'm lovin' life it's a pretty day
and I'm a let it waste away

MOTIVATED!
WASTE AWAY!

This is "Motivated" by Rehab....my new theme song, lol.

RIP Ike

Another crab has left this world today....Ike was found dead this evening. This is not a good era for the babies....

The Last Night of Hanukkah

These photos were taken on Saturday night at Carrie's house.

Seven Baked Dwarves

Found this on Facebook, and thought it was funny, lol.

Lithium Blues

I hate doctors. I hate the whole fucking medical profession. They'll obsess about my weight until the cows come home, but get me my life-saving medication? Not a prayer! My doctor is gravely ill, and is completely unavailable, so I'm at the mercy of the idiots who work for him. They pass the buck like  it's a hot potato. I just need a prescription for lithium. It's not a dangerous narcotic, it's just some thing my life depends on. I've taken it for over a decade. There should be no problem. Now Carrie is threatening to leave me if I can't get it, because she cannot live with me when I'm not on lithium. For better or worse, my ass. This isn't even my fault, in any way. Fort Hamilton Hospital and/or Butler Behavioral services created this mess, and I'm sick of paying for it!

Fridge Message

The latest fridge magnet message, which is Latin for "Long Live Goat Boy". Do I ever get tired of making fun of my brother? No!

The First Night of Hanukkah

The menorah at Carrie's house on the night of 8 December 2012.

One Day I'll Fly Away

I follow the night
Can't stand the light
When will I begin to live again

One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
What more could your love do for me
When will love be through with me
Why live life from dream to dream
And dread the day when dreaming ends

One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
Why live life from dream to dream
And dread the day when dreaming ends

One day I'll fly away
Fly fly away...

Watching Moulin Rouge for the millionth time. I think the depression may be returning, and I really identify with this song this morning. I feel so trapped in my life, and I am beginning to doubt there is anything to look forward to anymore. How can I live in this terror of the inevitable? Which is more painful- the presence or the absence of illusion? "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." Would anyone give a damn about Satine if she weren't beautiful? Would the audience be so sympathetic if she were bipolar, not tubercular?
I'm not certain that I really have a point; I'm just depressed and profoundly alone. 

Pray for this crab!

This is Hanna Crab, and she is very weak from her mid-November molt. Her life is in danger. Please, if you are the praying sort, send prayers/good energy to our baby.

Dream A Little Dream of Me

My favorite version of this song!

Pin Up Girls

I have started collecting pin up girl photos. I love the sultry glamor of them. These are a few I recently found online.....

Happy Birthday To Me

Yes, it is my birthday. I am 32 (a lady never reveals her age, but since when am I a lady?). I've gotten 4 birthday wishes on Facebook thus far. I'm going to try to go back to sleep soon. In the morning, after I get dressed, I'm going to try to take a new profile photo. I also need to take meds, clean the house, and do my nails. Ciao!

Waiting for Tomorrow

Listening to "Unsent" by Alanis Morissette, and having a weird and silly text conversation with Carrie. I cannot wait until tomorrow night! My dad got tickets for me and Carrie to go see a film about Jimi Hendrix at Woodstock. I turn 32 tomorrow.....I guess getting another year older is better than the alternative. I have no idea how I'm going to get to sleep tonight, though. I'm hyper as hell. I'm going to take meds soon, and try to be in bed by midnight. I have to be awake by 11 am.....I can never sleep when I have to be up by a certain time. Oh, well, que sera, sera. I'm going to play my Facebook games, and mess with ancestry.com a bit, for now. Listening to Jewel now....

My Girl

This is my lovely wife, Carrie!

My So-Called Life

I had a pretty good Thanksgiving this year, although it became painfully obvious that my family is a dysfunctional mess, lol. We must have the strangest conversations in Thanksgiving history. But, Thanksgiving dinner also doubled as a third birthday party for my little cousin Grace, and she is absolutely darling. Still, I wanted to go home about 2 earlier than I was able to....oh, well. I had an amazing weekend with Carrie. She is going to help me redecorate my apartment, so as soon as that comes together, I'll try to post photos on here....I feel absolutely in love, and am very happy. However. today is back to reality. I have two doctors appointments this afternoon. The first one includes a fasting blood test. I can't sleep, and now I have to go without food for about 12 more hours. Thus, I am slightly grouchy. Also, my mother is acting as chauffeur for me this afternoon, which means that I have to deal with her being picky and critical. But, I don't have to see her, or do anything unpleasant, until Thursday. And Thursday will be fun- Mum is taking me out to lunch, in honor of my 32nd birthday. Say what I will about Mum, she is usually extra sweet on my birthday. So....I'm going to go curl up in bed with a book, and perhaps try to get some sleep. Ciao!

My Tarot Card

Cass Elliot Tribute

Hey Jealousy

 Hey Jealousy

Tell me do you think it'd be all right
If I could just crash here tonight
You can see I'm in no shape for driving
And anyway I've got no place to go
And you know it might not be that bad
You were the best I'd ever had
If I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago
I might not be alone

[Chorus:]
Tomorrow we can drive around this town
And let the cops chase us around
The past is gone but something might be found
To take its place...hey jealousy

And you can trust me not to think
And not to sleep around
If you don't expect too much from me
You might not be let down
Cause all I really want is to be with you
Feeling like I matter too
If I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago
I might be here with you

[Chorus x2]

Tell me do you think it'd be all right
If I could just crash here tonight
You can see I'm in no shape for driving
And anyway I've got no place to go
And you know it might not be that bad
You were the best I'd ever had
If I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago
I might not be alone

[Chorus x2]

Hey jealousy
She took my heart
Well there's only one thing I couldn't start

Randomly Awake

Good morning. I'm awake randomly, and there's not a lot to do around 1:30 in the morning. I texted Marty, and email Carrie.....mostly, I'm craving a Hothead quesadilla, and of course, they're closed. So I'm checking up on the news, and checking Facebook. No terribly interesting news.....moving on to Twitter. I'll probably go back to bed pretty soon. Carrie is coming over in the afternoon. On Wednesday, I have to go to CVS, and then Thursday is a big extended family dinner.....sometime, I have to figure out to what to wear to said dinner that will not upset my mother. Oy vey. Now I'm going to get my daily tarot card on Facebook, think of something clever to tweet, then drag myself to bed.......

Goodnight!

Just a message for everyone tonight!

Morning

Good morning to all. I woke up in pain from my endometriosis, so I took a magic pill, and now all is well. I'm slightly hungry, but I can't decide what to eat. Perhaps some potato chips....I guess I only blog when I'm bored, b/c all my blogs have the line "bored off my ass today...." My life isn't actually as dull as it seems. However, today is Sunday, and as we practically live in a theocracy, there isn't much going on today. I need to do dishes, and I'd like to finish the book I'm reading, as well. Right now, I'm eating the afore-mentioned chips, and going through my email. Have a good day!

Oh, shit, it's mid-month!

I haven't written in awhile, b/c I spent most of the past week in the psych ward. I feel much better now- they raised my lithium. While I was gone, my Hanna crab molted- I think we were both creaky and in need of renewal. Now, I'm in need of a good housecleaning- this place is a pigsty!

Today's Song du Jour

"Foolish Games"
by Jewel
You took your coat off and stood in the rain,
You're always crazy like that.
And I watched from my window,
Always felt I was outside looking in on you.
You're always the mysterious one with
Dark eyes and careless hair,
You were fashionably sensitive
But too cool to care.
You stood in my doorway, with nothing to say
Besides some comment on the weather.

[Pre-Chorus 1]
Well in case you failed to notice,
In case you failed to see,
This is my heart bleeding before you,
This is me down on my knees, and...

[Chorus]
These foolish games are tearing me apart,
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.
You're breaking my heart.
You're always brilliant in the morning,
( From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/j/jewel-lyrics/foolish-games-lyrics.html )
Smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee.
Your philosophies on art, Baroque moved you.
You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones
As I clumsily strummed my guitar.
You'd teach me of honest things,
Things that were daring, things that were clean.
Things that knew what an honest dollar did mean.
I hid my soiled hands behind my back.
Somewhere along the line, I must've gone
Off track with you.

[Pre-Chorus 2]
Well, excuse me, guess I've mistaken you for somebody else,
Somebody who gave a damn,
Somebody more like myself.
[Chorus]
You took your coat off,
Stood in the rain,
You're always crazy like that.

I miss the life I once had, the feelings I once had.....I w2ish I could go back to the days before I was numb.

Confessions of a Bored Insomniac

Insomnia strikes again, and I'm blogging in the wee small hours. Not much to do, except mess around on the computer. I have a load of clothes in the washer, and so far, none of the usual laundry hassles....knock on wood. The people in my building become blithering idiots when the laundry room is concerned, it seems, so I try to do mine during odd hours. Yawn. Even my blog is boring. I haven't been doing much lately, since I haven't felt well. I'm back to volunteering at the Dems this afternoon, and I'm very much looking forward to GOTV this year. Go, Democrats!

Election Humor

In honor of the election on Tuesday, my favorite comic strip of all time......

"It's More Than Just Memories to Me..."

"Like anyone worthy, I am flattered by your fascination with me. Like any hot-blooded woman, I have simply wanted an object to crave...."
"Are you so strong, or is all the weakness in me?"
"Under Orion's starry sky, I lie in the moonlit garden, wondering when I close my eyes if I'll ever find my heaven...."
In a melancholy mood tonight, falling in love with every song I hear.....

Maybe I'm A Witch.....

I'm going beyond, to a world of my own. This song transcends realities, and I'm going with it. Love moves across time and space and life and death....
"Etienne"
by Tori Amos


Maybe I'm a witch Lost in time Running through the fields Of Scotland by your side Kicked out of France But I still believe Taken to a land Far across the sea Etienne, Etienne Hear the west wind Whisper my name Etienne, Etienne By the morning Maybe we'll remember Who I am Maybe you're the night Who saved my life Maybe we faced The fire side by side Here we are again Under the same sky As the gypsy crystal Slowly dies Etienne, Etienne Hear the west wind Whisper my name Etienne, Etienne By the morning Maybe we'll remember Who I am I close my eyes See you again I know I've held you But I can't remember Where or when Oh Etienne, Etienne Hear the west wind Whisper my name Etienne, Etienne By the morning Maybe we'll remember Who I am

Duly Note!

Note to all bill collectors- Harold Blevins  moved. I am sick of getting his hospital bills. That is my complaint du jour, because frankly, the rest of the day was so god-awful, I don't want to get started!

It's Over

"It's Over" sorry sir, i stole your money. sorry sir, i feel, but it's so, so twisted, so unreal. it was what i'd heard of, and what i didn't have, but i cannot give what i do not have, and i cannot take what i do not have. i can't take it. don't stultify. don't hold me high. don't stultify. don't hold me high. too many things held precious, too many things held dear; that's what i hate, that's what i fear. too much to ask for may leave me feeling lonely. too little leaves me nothing, nothing. the drone in your voice, and the fly on the wall said, "it's over, it's over, it's over, it is." what do i wish for you, what do i wish? it's over, it's over, it is. are we still solemn and bleeding? are we still swimming to water that was wet? you can't give away certain things that you get. from the outside to the inside i couldn't tell you how it really was. there has to be more on one hand, keep your head above water on the other, the other. the drone in your voice, and the fly on the wall said, "it's over, it's over, it's over, it is." what do i wish for you, what do i wish? it's over, it's over, it is. are we still solemn and bleeding? are we still swimming to water that was already wet? i can forgive, but i won't forget. i'll wish for you, i'll plead and i'll steal. hold me precious, hold me dear. i'll wish for you, i'll sing and i'll feel. don't stultify, don't hold me high. like a gothic staple, a last good-bye, one way to float is if you die. and it's over, it's over, it's over. it's over, it's over, it's over it's over, it's over.~Lisa Loeb

Pissed Off and Frozen in Hamilton

"It's nothing, they turned off my heat, and I'm just a little weak on my feet....."

"We're hungry and frozen- some life that we've chosen!"

Those are my Rent quotes of the day. I'm sitting here in an icy cold apartment in Hamilton, Ohio, freezing my ass off. It's 46 degrees outside, and I have no heat. I live in public housing, and they aren't turning on our heating system until Friday. I am considering staying with Carrie or my parents until then....I feel like a friggin' Popsicle. Yeah, I just texted Carrie, and she said she'd take me in :) I'll just go home with her after we volunteer for the Dems tomorrow. My mother will bitch me out for going to Carrie's again so soon, but my mother bitches me out for pretty much everything I do, so no loss there. It's dropped to 44 degrees outside, and I'm pretty much ready to just pile on a bunch of blankets and sweaters, and go to bed. Gotta love how Butler Metropolitan Housing Authority values it's residents...."save a buck- freeze the poor and disabled" should be their motto. Oh great. Now Carrie is having second thoughts about keeping me for 4 days....ok, I guess I'll go to West Chester. Ah, dealing with my parents until Friday. I'm going to bed before I start crying.

Democratic Legacy

Got this picture off Facebook. Isn't it fabulous?

An American Tale

These are the grave markers of my great-grandparents. They were from the town of Gallo in Southern Italy, near Napoli. They came to this country in the early twentieth century. Domenica died before I was born, but I remember Pio playing the accordion for us when I was very small. I love doing genealogical research because it makes me feel connected, like I come from somewhere. Domenica's maiden name was del Vecchio, and I can trace both sides of my father's family to the 1600s. I like to think they would be proud of their American great-grandchildren, who speak English as a first language (I am the only member of my family in this country who speaks decent Italian, and I learned in college) and work on American political campaigns. I remember how important assimilation was to my Nonna. She was very proud that she became a US citizen after coming to this country in 1930. She lived under Mussolini, and although Nonna and I had our differences politically, I know she was as passionate about freedom and democracy as I am. Domenica and Pio Iannitti started life in nineteenth century Italy, but their final resting places are here, and they are woven into the story of the United States. Hopefully, people will soon realize that our strength is in welcoming strangers to our country, and cast off bigotry and xenophobia.

Feeling Crabby

From top: Arwen, Camille, Dolly, Edouard, Hanna, Ike, and Aleta. These are Carrie's and my children, the hermit crabs. From yesterday's photo shoot/chicken day.

Cass Elliot

A photo of my new heroine, singer Cass Elliot. Her haunting version of "Dream A Little Dream of Me" has been on repeat on my iPod lately. In a world where looking a certain way is everything, she succeeded in making it on her talent, and I admire that. RIP, Cass....

"My, how you've grown...."

I thought I'd post these lyrics.....they seem timely, somehow.
"My How You've Grown" by 10000 Maniacs

"My, how you've grown."
I remember that phrase from my childhood days too.
"Just wait and see."
I remember those words and how they chided me,
when patient was the hardest thing to be.
Because we can't make up for the time that we've lost,
I must let these memories provide.
No little girl can stop her world to wait for me.
I should have known.
At your age, in a string of days
the year is gone.
But in that space of time,
it takes so long.
Because we can't make up for the time
that we've lost,
I must let those memories provide.
No little girl can stop her world to wait for me.
Every time we say goodbye
you're frozen in my mind
as the child that you never will be,
you never will be again.
I'll never be more to you
than a stranger could be.
Every time we say goodbye
you're frozen in my mind as a child that
you never will be, will be again.

Auld Lang Syne.....Sorta

5773!

My Unlikely Angel

This one's for you.....my guardian angel.

Suicide Prevention/Awareness Day

Good morning, world. Today, as I recently learned, is Suicide Prevention/Awareness Day. Please, wear yellow or write "love" on the inside of your arm. I almost died in 2007 of a suicide attempt....many people aren't so lucky, and didn't survive their own minds. Mental illness is very real. As always, much love to angel de mi guardia......

Cute Comic

I love the Crocs. This one kind of touched my heart :)

Announcement

Announcement: I'm engaged! Carrie asked me to marry her this past Wednesday, whenever same sex marriage becomes legal. I'm thrilled with the Democratic Party finally being on board with equality. I never dreamed I'd ever marry, but never say never....

Facebook Assholes

I am so sick of the cutesy little cracks on Facebook directed at food stamp recipients. Anyone who makes them is instantly deleted from my friends list. I should go without because I was born disabled? I think not! If anything, the disabled should be compensated extra for our disadvantages. In this country, if you are bipolar, you are completely shunned. Ah, well. I'm exhausted, and I am beginning to feel like Clint Eastwood, talking to no one.

Grateful for Solitude!

Today is shaping up to be a truly dull day. My health is limited, and I have nowhere to go, no one to talk to.....I guess I've made a nuisance of myself too often, and now no one wants to be around me. No one wants disabled friends. We can't drive, for one thing. And we actually have problems. It would be nice to have someone besides my parents to talk to, but oh, well. Not going to dwell on it too much. The human race is a shallow, useless bunch. I'm supposed to grateful for every crumb they throw me......

Carrie

Death to August!

I am having a really, really boring week. Absolutely nothing interesting has happened. I've been cramping a lot, but the meds do help. I feel like I just need a vacation, but a nap is about all I can afford. I'm going to the Dems tonight with Carrie, if the pain goes away. I just feel like something has got to give, or I'll snap again. I hate August. It's not the romantic, dreamy month I had it pegged as. It is truly a month of death. Lots of little deaths, until finality is anti-climatic......

GOP Translator

I got this on Facebook. Amusing but true.

The Sad State of the Union

By picking Paul Ryan as their VP candidate, the Republican party effectively has told me that the disabled, like myself, are not welcome in the United States. They only see the elites and their upward mobility. What about the downtrodden and our survival? Food stamps aren't only for the "welfare queens" of the popular imagination; most people on disability cannot afford adequate meals without them. I'm tired of going without in the name of Wall Street. I live below the poverty level, and very likely will never live above it. As my father said, if Paul Ryan thinks his cuts are such a good idea, why doesn't he try living on social security? I am destitute through no fault of my own. I refuse to be ashamed of how I was born. "All men are created equal" is a popular slogan, but our country will never live up to that until we stop judging each other, and worrying that someone else is getting "special treatment" that they don't "deserve."

Gay Flow Chart

This is really amusing, and I'm too lazy to write a blog today.

Papal

This is my grandfather, Jim Culley, 1923-1990.

August is the last refuge of the dead, you know. It’s starlit flickering movie screen opens on 1944 Amsterdam. It was the year the world went mad, and I can only watch helplessly as the Young Girl fades to flame. Her fire burns quietly, like dried leaves. The shot pans left, to 1962. A final, fatal cocktail- one last pose, a swan song extraordinary. Marilyn’s final performance is a triumph, you might say.  The Angel Boy came later. He could have considered other months- but at last, August overcame him. Summertime without ceasing- that was his first legacy. I see a mirror before me, holding the image of an old zia, white-haired and insane. I cannot bear to leave August, this place of the past it has become. I refuse to grow immune, or look away. I am older-they are not. Preserved in the formaldehyde called memory, they go on as before.  Alone, I leave the theater, wistful and broken. I find solace in one day, discovering....August.August is the last refuge of the dead, you know. It’s starlit flickering movie screen opens on 1944 Amsterdam. It was the year the world went mad, and I can only watch helplessly as the Young Girl fades to flame. Her fire burns quietly, like dried leaves. The shot pans left, to 1962. A final, fatal cocktail- one last pose, a swan song extra ordinaire. Marilyn’s final performance is a triumph, you might say.  The Angel Boy came later. He could have considered other months- but at last, August overcame him. Summertime without ceasing- that was his first legacy. I see a mirror before me, holding the image of an old zia, white-haired and insane. I cannot bear to leave August, this place of the past it has become. I refuse to grow immune, or look away. I am older-they are not. Preserved in the formaldehyde called memory, they go on as before.  Alone, I leave the theater, wistful and broken. I find solace in one day, discovering....August.August is the last refuge of the dead, you know. It’s starlit flickering movie screen opens on 1944 Amsterdam. It was the year the world went mad, and I can only watch helplessly as the Young Girl fades to flame. Her fire burns quietly, like dried leaves. The shot pans left, to 1962. A final, fatal cocktail- one last pose, a swan song extra ordinaire. Marilyn’s final performance is a triumph, you might say.  The Angel Boy came later. He could have considered other months- but at last, August overcame him. Summertime without ceasing- that was his first legacy. I see a mirror before me, holding the image of an old zia, white-haired and insane. I cannot bear to leave August, this place of the past it has become. I refuse to grow immune, or look away. I am older-they are not. Preserved in the formaldehyde called memory, they go on as before.  Alone, I leave the theater, wistful and broken. I find solace in one day, discovering....August.

Lazy Days of Summer

This is one of those summer days when you are so damned bored you don't know what to do. All I really have left on my to-do list is putting away my laundry and taking a shower. Then, I have to be more creative and think of other ways to amuse myself. Tomorrow I am writing letters for Amnesty International and dying my hair, as well as cleaning the kitchen. Hopefully, I can do all that before going to an OFA phone bank in the evening. On Thursday, I'm working on my brother's schedule, b/c he is taking me to the grocery. Friday is my free day. Ahead of that, I have no idea. I guess I'll further clean my apartment on Thursday and Friday, and perhaps do my nails on Friday. Wow, my life is dull......

The Portrait of the Madwoman At 16 ("Within Without")

I'm going to reprint the lyrics to a song I heard tonight, that I loved back when I was 16. It's by a Cincinnati band called Over The Rhine, and it's a pretty good description of the girl I once was.
Within Without
Is it because I cannot see you that you feel so free to steal My excess baggage Full of darkness and despair?
While I fumble with my locks You're content to stand and knock Yet I know your knack For thievery is rare
Do you know they call it arson? Settin' fires without permissions In my heart for sure And maybe elsewhere too
Though your lack of inhibition Captures my imagination I end up a wiser person Thanks to you
It's comin' to fruition The sympathetic vibration Your train is at my station Within without
Within without Within without Within without Within without
There is your flair for murder There's a dagger in the border Of your cloak and I suspect the captain's gun
As you put to death suspicions Kindly kill my fears as well Exorcise and slay The demons one by one
Though I'm usually pacifistic You are mercifully sadistic And I didn't know That murder could be good
But the roses came crimson Springin' from the prison Of the floorboards Where there once were stains of blood
It's comin' to fruition The sympathetic vibration Your train is at my station Within without, within without
It's calming my suspicion With soothing intuition Your train is at my station Within without, within without
It's calming my suspicion With soothing intuition Your train is at my station Within without
Within without Within without Within without Within without
It's comin' to fruition The sympathetic vibration Your train is at my station Within without, within without
It's calming my suspicion With soothing intuition Your train is at my station Within without, within without
Within without Within without Within without Within without
Within without Within without Within without Within without

Read more: OVER THE RHINE - WITHIN WITHOUT LYRICS http://www.metrolyrics.com/within-without-lyrics-over-the-rhine.html#ixzz22Soys2aT
Copied from MetroLyrics.com

Spelling and such corrected by Lilli Marlene, lol.

Legally Bored

Fairly dull, ordinary day here in Hamilton, Ohio. It's 90 degrees outside, and feels very hot- the sort of day that lends itself to laziness. I might walk to CVS in a little bit, to get a pack of cigarettes. Otherwise, I'm staying in my apartment and enjoying the air conditioning. I haven't been on the computer much lately, so I have a lot of catching up to do. Last week, I went to the county fair, which was fun, despite the fact that I threw up three times prior to arriving. On Friday, I wound up in the ER after throwing up blood. They think I tore my esophagus a bit. I haven't thrown up since Friday morning, which is good, but I can't remember a damn thing between leaving the ER on Friday afternoon, and waking up on Monday morning. Anyway.....I wrote most of this earlier, and then my neighbor came to visit. Then I went to CVS....and now I'm back home. This whole chronicle is a bit pointless, I guess. But what else is there to do in Hamilton in the summer? I mean, legally :)

My Hebrew Name

My Hebrew Name:



Courtesy of My Hebrew Name

Today Is Tuesday

Ok, I'm completely, utterly bored out of my mind today. My feet hurt, b/c I wore heels for a few hours today, but otherwise, I feel good. I just can't think of a damn thing to do to entertain myself. Just chatting on the phone with Carrie about basically nothing. Maybe I need to get a life, or at least get up and get something to eat. Carrie and I are discussing going to the county on Thursday. Now I just have to figure out what to do with myself for the rest of today, and tomorrow. Today I wanted to read, and clean the living room, and do my nails. Tomorrow I'll probably write in the Notebook, crochet, do dishes, and shower. Not very interesting, but I'll live. Just got to keep going......

Alphabet Magnet Fun

The latest in the "refrigerator magnet sayings" series.......

Rifftrax

This is a modified Rifftrax quote, written in alphabet magnets on my fridge. On 16 August, I'm going to a Rifftrax event with Carrie.

Bad Day

I am completely exhausted. My upstairs neighbor is a bitch from hell. Last night she was so loud, I thought she was reenacting the Fall of Berlin; she dumped water on me off her balcony this morning. So. I'm going back to bed. As soon as I finish my schnapps, that is....life is only bearable, when one is drunken.

Non, je ne regrette rien

Long, hot day, and it's not even that late. I just blew a small fortune at Dots.....but I have no regrets. The dresses were made for me, as they say. No regrets- I think that shall be my new mantra. You can't get bogged down in the past and stay afloat. I'm too damn old to worry about what younger Lilli was up to. Anyway, I just decorated the living room with pictures from old calendars. Now I'm going to have a smoke and then play fb games until I'm ready to sleep......

"Lilli comes when you stop to call her..."

Bored off my ass, waiting on Mum. We're going to go see Mom, and then I'm staying in West Chester til the fifth. Carrie and I are doing something this weekend, and The Great Endoscopy is next week. Sigh. Just playing with fb and listening to Kanye. Not a bad day, I suppose. Oh, RIP Andy Griffith!

Bipartisan Baseball

I hereby call for the BIPARTISAN All Star Game in MLB. If any anyone can recall the 2010 brawl between the Reds (Cincinnati) and the Cardinals (St. Loiuis), involving a bunch of whiners and complainers who can't handle firework smoke in a fuckin' ballpark (I never said the writer was bipartisan), well, we all thought it was over years ago. However, then-Cardinal manager Tony La Russa has started up the old feud again. La Russa is the NL Manager this year, and there are 2 notable exclusions from the the roster: Brandon Phillips and Johnny Cueto , both of whom played prominent roles in the 2010 brawl.  LaRussa: It's about the game, not petty old rivalries. Grow up!

My Domanatrix Boots

I love the boots! Taken on Carrie's back deck.

Girls in Boots

Carrie and I, headed for Applebees, Tuesday, 12 June 2012.

"Tell me, do you think it'd be alright......."

Videos of me singing "Hey Jealousy" by the Gin Blossoms. If anyone is reading this, feedback is appreciated!

The Evil Beside Me

I'm tired of it, and I want out. I'm sick of just cowering in the shadows when she bullies me. I've given her everything I can- what more can she demand? I have no dignity anymore, no pride. It's not worth it, just to be mistreated by some stupid bitch who spends her life being angry at the world for her circumstances. I can't waste any more time. I have a shorter life span than most people, and I don't have forever. I need to get away. But how?

Precious Child, Greenwood Cemetery

RIP, little one.......

My New Heroine

Simone de Beauvoir, author of the book I am currently reading, The Second Sex.

Votto's New Job?

This photo cracked me up. It looks like Joey Votto has a new career- he's a mime!

Bra Diving?

Carrie's Brandon Phillips doll, bra diving down my shirt. Yes, we are weird......

Bored and Irritable

Goofy day. Carrie and I are discussing YoVille, the Holy Spirit, and the Nuremberg trials- not necessarily in any sane order. It's a boring day. Goat Boy is taking me to the grocery later today. My roadrunner email is acting up, and it's pissing me off royally. Wanting to go hide from today. I'm so bored and irritable.....

Love in the Spring

My love and I at the house tour.

Haunted House

I went with Carrie and her mom yesterday to a historical homes show in the German Village. My favorite one was where we stopped and talked to the owners about possible paranormal activity in the house. The top photo shows Carrie in front of the house. The second and third ones are bedrooms in the house. The fourth one is a portrait of an ancestor of one of the owners. The fifth one is a staircase in the house. The sixth one is a piano, reputed to be played by a ghost called "Andrew." The last two photos are of one of the house's owners in her historical finery.