Liberty and Justice.....

:)

My First Attempt At Jewelry Making.......

Happy Hanukkah!

My menorah tonight. It was the 8th night of Hanukkah. Hanukkah next year starts at sunset on 8 December 2012. Mazel Tov!

Basis For Comparison

Don't know how much more I can take. My endometriosis seems to be flaring up again. The pain is unreal. It seems that my physical and mental problems have, over the years, robbed me of any semblance of a normal life. You'd think I'd be used to it by now. It just seems like it never ends. I wish I could put hope in the afterlife, but how could I, after what I have seen of this life? I feel like I never got a fair chance. Call me a whiny liberal, but it makes no sense to just say "life's not fair." If life isn't fair, maybe we are put here to make life a little more fair for our fellow man. I think it's a cop out to accept wrongs without trying to make them right. If I think of things I can do for others, the pain lessens a little, because there is hope. Yes, I wish someone would help me, but I'm not holding my breath. The only thing that I can do right now is distract myself. And go get some potato chips to munch on.....stress makes me hungry.

Conundrum

Getting sick of writing helpless, hopeless blog entries. I have to make some kind of a change. I guess I need to figure out what to do, and do it. But where do I begin? It's so easy to see solutions to other people's problems, but I'm not even sure what my problem is. Why am I so depressed? For one thing, I see myself becoming my mother- completely crippled by fear of other people. The only thing is, my fears always prove justified. I can't talk to anyone. For one thing, no one is remotely interested in anything I have to say. I listen to people ramble on all the time, but if I try to get in a word edgewise, I am accused of being self-centered and depressing. I'm considering just tuning out the world. I almost appreciate living in this tomb. At least I'm the only occupant......wait a sec. I've accomplished nothing. I'm just whining in another blog entry. That's running in circles. But, if I say how I feel here, no one is forced to put up with me......

Christmas Eve

It's Christmas Eve, and I'm a little bored but doing well. Just hanging out at my house, waiting til sunset to light the Hanukkah candles. Then, after that, I'm going to my parents' house for pizza and presents, and to my aunt's house tomorrow for dinner. Eating comfort foods at the moment (mac and cheese and chocolates) and just chillin.    Can't think of anything else to say......

Feeling Crabby....

Thought I'd share the latest crabs pics, of 2 recent molts. At top is Hanna, who is having a bit of a problem with one of her legs, but is really doing well despite it. The bottom one, next to the remote, is Eduoard. Although he's been a little listless since another crab, Camille, tried to take his shell, he's now in "iso" on the bed and seems much happier. It's not easy to molt this time of year, but the little guys are all doing fine, and it looks like a peaceful holiday season. Last Christmas, Dolly murdered Alex, but this year they seem less, well, crabby.....

RIP Shannan Gilbert

RIP Shannan Maria Gilbert, 23 October 1987-4 May 2010. I didn't personally know Shannan, but I am sickened at Suffolk County declaring her death "accidental," under the circumstances. She may have drowned, but all evidence says it was no accident. I feel she is being unfairly dismissed because of her profession and history, and no matter what the cops say, God knows the truth, and Shannan, wherever you are.....I believe you.

Mama told me there'd be days like this.....

Ugh. I have what appears to be flu-like symptoms, odd considering I got the damn flu shot. Oh, well. I have pretty much no immune system due to my illness, so I suppose I should consider the whole thing inevitable. Eh. I'm really not in that bad of a mood. I'm concerned, because I can't get in touch with an important person in my life, but I guess I need to understand, even if you make someone a priority in your life, you aren't necessarily a priority to them. So, I'm moving on with my day. The second night of Hanukkah starts in about an hour, so I'll just light my candles and pretend it's all ok....

Read My Finger

Sick of fucking defending myself constantly from the greedy cretins who want to cut off benefits to the disabled! I don't WANT to be on disability, and I'm not inventing a disability to get to scrimp by on next to nothing and have no life! Fuck you!!!!!!!

Care2 Disaster

I use the site Care2, and occasionally comment on news stories. I mentioned in a comment on Medicare that I am disabled, and was told by another site member to "commit suicide." I reported him to Care2, and have thus far been ignored. I read the man's profile, and he claims to be a doctor. He goes by "Randy M." If you use that site, beware of him. Also, I would like to say that no matter where one falls on the political spectrum, we all need to stand against this kind of behavior. I respect differences of opinion, but telling a mentally ill person to kill herself crosses all lines and boundaries.

No, I Didn't Cut The Fingers Off The Grinch!

My (very sad) homemade Hanukkah candles.....Carrie and I decided they looked like Grinch fingers.....

"I Don't Know, I Don't Care, and It Doesn't Really Make A Difference Anyway" -Jack Kerouac

This night has been such a fucking roller coaster. I was a little down, so I went tanning, which brought me up. Then, stupid me, I had a drink on the way home, and got really depressed. I just get so sick of it. Why am I always alone? I have friends, I guess, but it seems either they can't ever do anything (for reasons which I understand) or they just have no interest in seeing me. I get token texts and stuff, but if I want a conversation, I call my mom. And if I want to go anywhere, I go alone. And I don't think anyone in my life is going to change. So......this is it. I either live like this, or I don't. I really don't like interacting with other people very much to begin with. There are a select few people in my life I thought were there for me, and it turns out they aren't. I don't want to go out and meet new people. That's stupid. It would just be more of the same. I feel very stuck. So, I'm crawling back beneath my rock. Please don't expect me to reach out from underneath again.

Boycott Lowe's!

I read today that Lowe's had pulled it's ads from a reality show called "All-American Muslim," which is a-gasp-positive portrayal of American Muslims. I am furious, and do not plan on ever entering a Lowe's store again, unless they profusely apologize. I am sooooo tired of people making up shit about people who are "different" from them in some way, be it religion, sexuality, nationality, etc. Stereotyping and generalizing is wrong, and people only do it so they can feel superior. It's ignorance at it's purest. Should I then go around saying that all Christians are haters? No, because of people like my sister, Nic, who is a goodhearted, non-judgmental person of that faith. Should I say all Germans are inherently evil? No, look at those who worked against Hitler during World War II, and risked their lives to try and stop the suffering of millions. My point is, don't judge everyone by the actions of people who claim to speak for a group. That's like assuming George W. Bush speaks for all Americans, or that 19 hijackers speak for about a billion Muslims......in other words, it's ridiculous.  

Let It Ring

"Let it ring to Jesus, 'cause I'm sure he loves me too. And I get down on my knees, and I pray the same as you...." ~Amy Ray
I'm sick of the hypocrisy coming from so-called "Christians" like Rick Perry. They are the same as the Pharisees in the Christian scripture, and we all know how much Jesus approved of their behavior. Yeah, I'm of the Jewish persuasion, so perhaps I have no business talking about Jesus, but I think he was a great teacher, and I agree with a lot of his ideas. Still, I'd like to know when homosexuals became public enemy #1. Jesus has NOT ONE WORD to say on the topic himself. There's a bit of a letter by Saul of Tarsus that vaguely discusses it, but to be fair, I am told that passage refers to child abuse perpetrated by the Greeks of the time, not a modern gay relationship. If you read anything out of context, it can take on false meaning. People also need to realize, Jesus was not Establishment. He championed compassion towards the poor, not telling them to pull themselves up by some imaginary bootstraps. I'm all for working and earning what one gets, if one is able, but there is no way of getting blood from a turnip, as they say. Upward mobility barely exists in this country (and Time magazine is my source). Opportunity has ceased to knock, and there is massive suffering. Yet Rick Perry puts a video on YouTube bashing gays? What a great platform for a presidential candidate. Jesus once said something about getting the beam out of your own eye before you get the speck out of your brother's eye, and I must say, it's as timely now as it was 2000 years ago.

Buttons

My virtual button collection, lol

Birth Control

I cannot see why birth control is not covered for all Americans. Family planning is a human right. If you don't believe in birth control, don't use it. I am sick of others telling me what to do with my body. If I want to get a tubal ligation at 25, that's my own damn business. I shouldn't need a note from a psychiatrist saying I am of sound mind, or a note from a hepatologist  saying that my life would be endangered by a pregnancy. I am not a baby-making machine. I should be applauded for not having tons of children that society bears the burden of helping me raise, not villified for being "unnatural," or forced into owing thousands of dollars for the priceless right  to decide whether or not I will be a mother. Children can be a blessing, but they are the greatest responsibility there is. I am not mentally or physically able to take on the full-time job of raising children. I have a personal distaste for abortion, which is mentally and physically draining....so my natural choice would be to prevent pregnancy. Btw, my father, who once trained to be a deacon in the Roman Catholic Church, is a very vocal dissenter on the Vatican's position on birth control, of which I am immeasurably proud. Birth control is not just a women's issue- it is an issue that affects all of society.

Yawn!

Winter bites. It's 28 degrees out, obnoxious Christmas music dominates the airwaves, and, of course, no baseball. I am bored stiff, or maybe just frozen, I can't tell. Eating Peppermint Mocha ice cream (I concede, that is a good thing about winter)and messing with the computer. Going to take a shower soon. Perhaps I'll have a beer first. Oy vey, I'm boring myself!

Livin' La Vida Votto, or Why Everyone Avoids Me All Summer.....

Albert Pujols was traded to the Anaheim Angels! I'm a Reds fan, so this is like, the greatest news ever. I also happen to think the Cardinals are "whiners and complainers" (grazi, Brandon Phillips!), but anyway....glad to see a fine player like Pujols on a better team, and in the AL instead of the same division as my beloved Reds (lol). I wrote some lyrics last year to the tune of "Livin' La Vida Loca" by Ricky Martin....so here is "Livin' La Vida Votto" for all you Reds fans:

"His name is Joey Votto
He plays some great baseball
I feel a premonition-
Those Reds are gonna win it all!
Most Valuable Player of the NL,2010
That dude is Joey Votto-when he plays, we're gonna win!
He plays first base and bats left, had 37 runs last year,
Born up in Ontario but we’re really glad he’s here,
everybody give a cheer! C’mon...
Watching in the stands, I’m livin’ la vida Votto!
Hit one for the fans, I’m livin la vida Votto!
Lookin’ at that face, I think he’s pretty hot-o,
The man at first base, is livin’ la vida Votto! He’s livin’ la vida Votto....
Went up to Cincinnati, to Great American Ballpark,
He stole my heart, and then stole third base,
Fireworks light up the dark.
He never talks about himself, it makes you wonder why,
How can he be that gorgeous, can I meet him if I try? Oh my!"
Lmao. Everyone who knows me dreads baseball season, because I get really into it. So does my grandma. One of my favorite memories of my grandma is when she was watching the Reds on TV a few years ago, and screamed at Bronson Arroyo to "get off that pitcher's mound and go back and play your guitar!" He was pitching really badly, lol. Anyway, we'll be livin' la vida Votto, all summer.....

Thin Mints?

Have an amusing Wednesday!

Rules I Learned Today

Rules of the day:
1. Let sleeping wives lie
2. Don't friend people on FB unless you know who they are. Vaguely familiar doesn't cut it.
3. When in doubt, LOG OFF!

Island Punch Pucker

At Carrie's tonight. Cannot friggin' sleep. Going to drink this blue stuff, have a smoke, then lie down. Something in my head just won't stop going. I think I'm starting menopause- I actually had a hot flash last night. I ended up sleeping until about 2:30 pm today, and now I'm all screwed up. I need to get on a schedule. I'm actually considering auditioning for community theatre, to have some structure in my life. But not tonight. Going to drink this and print this blog, then get on FB for a bit while I finish the drink. Then smoke and- hopefully- sleep. Wish me a goodnight- I'll need it!

As Is

Woke up at 2 am, and now I can't get back to sleep. Just going to mess around on the computer until whenever. I might even just stay up all day. I feel vaguely strange, but am ignoring it, mostly. Listening to Ani DiFranco...."As Is" is very much how I feel about Carrie. "And I've no illusions about you. Guess what? I never did. When I said I'd take it, I meant as is...." Well, nothing really exciting to write about. Aside from feeling vaguely strange, I'm also vaguely hungry. To the microwave, Batman!